Behind My Mask Of Happiness

There's a whirlwind inside my head, 
a stone inside my heart, 
yet the only thing I can do, is play my stupid part. 
There's a drummer boy drumming, keeping me awake, 
so all I do is think, 
when I'm meant to be asleep. 
The rhythm never stopping, 
just getting louder, 
keeping me awake hour after hour. 
I trudge along in silence, 
thinking it will stop, 
not knowing what I do to myself, will never really help. 
I think I can do anything, 
I think that I'm enough, 
yet I only get disappointed when it turns out that I'm not. 
People say I'm crazy happy, 
not knowing I put on a face, 
that I can really act and make myself look great. 
No one ever considers, 
that I'm not at all, 
how I'm on the outside, 
their thinking there's no mental wall. 
So how do I stop, this rhythm inside my head? 
If the drummer boy is never to cease, 
his banging inside my head. 
No answer will escape my lips, 
as much as I want them to. 
So I will just have to numb, 
what will never disappear, 
for that fast paced drumming inside my head, 
is just a part of my worst fear.